my dad sets the bar too high for being a dad, a husband, a son, a worker, a human.  how can be i dont miss him

  today is my dad's birthday.  i said to him weeks ago when we ate together that i am really sorry i cant see him in person on his birthday this year (something that never happened for years) because i forgot that i would be still stay overseas for a couple of days. and he was really okay with it. i planned to order some mini tumpeng like mom's birthday for his birthday and buy him a new jeans soon after i arrive. a jeans that he always like after the last one i bought him almost ten years ago as his birthday present right after after i have my first job. and would also ask him about end year plan trip and umra things that i really want him and mom to go with me.  but sometimes plan is just being a plan. i dont have any single thought that i really cant see him on his birthday ever again. if he is still here, i believe he will be happy for his birthday this year because it will be on friday. he always order some nasi kuning boxes for friday morning in the week of everyone...

sometimes it is sunday morning with a peaceful widely smile.. even after a week, people still come in home. and now i think, how blessed my dad is. so many people loss him although he did not talk much. and all of them said that he is a kind person, maybe that was the reason why. . one of many things that i somehow regret is a question that i did not ask him yet: what did you ask for in your long prayer every day..

  i've said that i like read people's orbituary. but i dont know whether i will be able to finish my writing and brave enough to publish it. i've written a lot about my dad in some previous posts, but maybe writing an orbituary will help me grieving.  i wish more people know that he is really a kind person, the best person i've met in my life (besides mom of course).  Will i feel better if i let people know? i know he is in better place now, but still i feel sad sometimes..

  I thought that the best dying is when it is happened on friday, or after hajj/umra, or raining  or suddenly without pain. But after my dad is passed away, in the end it is a peace when we meet Allah. He seems do not feel any fear of dying. He does really die peacefully, and I am seeing him smiles widely, like in his picture that he always do. I will surely miss you a lot dad, but i hope you are in better place now. 

  innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun my dad is passed away today.  I love you dad, forever

  today tiny wisdom published about grief, that made me remember all things i did together with my dad. i have no regrets dad so far to have you in my life.  i love you. always.