i would like to hear your stories as much as i want to share mine. 

  what a really busy week kumohon doakan aku!

hi, how was your day?  sometimes i wish i could share how my day was to someone else, a person who will not judge me or scold me or blame me, someone who accepting it is what it is.  i wish i could share everything like i did to my dad who always make me feel calm down and heard but at the same time doesnt make me feel guilty or reason of problem or a burden, although sometimes i am, it is me, i am the problem. sometimes i wonder, how he can be so patient (and mom also). i know i can always share stories with my mom or my sister, but i dont want to make them worry.  alhamdulillah and i really thankful that most of the time He solved the problem and gave solution, but i just want bubbling sometimes.  i think i need a safe space to bubbling but i dont know where, maybe here is not the right place. 

  it has been six months yesterday, but the lost feeling remains the same although i know he is in peace.  i was back from a (mandatory) business trip and let my mom being alone at home for a couple of days. of course i miss her but she is the strongest and the most rational person, allow me to go and ask me to surrender. i called her every day and thanks to the talking cctv, a worth today technology that i knew from my friend.  this is maybe one of the heavy thoughts that i want to write to help me cope. it feels really hard to do and if you want and may read this, please save your judgement for yourself. sometimes i remember, when that emergency day happened and i was be able go home really fast, i was thinking that it would be okay. we arrived at hospital in around 30 minutes, it was still golden time. his lab result was good, i have a thought that everything is under control, but i still lost him.  i do still thankfull and gratefull that He let me being his side ...

  is there any possibility that you are a friend of mine? but who? and why?