92nd

about anything

hi, it's been a while. so, how is life? and again, with all the ups and downs, bad times sometimes happened, but hopefully not forever.

i don't know where to start actually. i even don't know what title should i put. well, i plan to protect this blog soon, mungkin paling lambat akhir tahun ini. sesuatu yang sudah lama kupikirkan dan sering ku tuliskan tapi tak pernah ku lakukan, dan aku masih tidak menemukan alasan mengapa.

at the beginning, i started to write just to help me thinking. dan, entahlah, mungkin menjadi personal blog seperti milik kebanyakan orang lainnya. but then it turned out about something that i felt, i thought, i experienced, and since I realized that it might be read by someone else, i started to feel it's not a real me every time i started to post something these days. at first, knowing there might be someone out there who wants to know me and my life, i felt a little bit fluttered honestly (i am sorry to say it as an admirer in the previous post, well again, it might be just a bot). but then, i realized that i have a fear to be judged sometimes, especially if it is you out of 2 million people in this world. it made me over thinking what should I write. I don't know why, i just can't be myself like i used to, how hard i try. and it doesn't feel right.

will it be like a closure that i made for myself, a goodbye for the things happened, for the hopes that i ever felt, for the words that i never said.

i am still figuring out what i feel and what i want and what i should do. and even though i am scared so much, but i wish everything will be okay.




yours truly,
Ayu