noticeable

mungkin memang benar, hidup pada dasarnya hanyalah sawang sinawang

i was quite surprising everytime i know that there is anyone who interest with my life even though i did not make an update on daily basis, i even did not make any update.

i feel like, wow i am being remembered...

and maybe it is true when they said that your mundane life is maybe something that other people wish for.

so, days ago, an old friend of mine asked me what i do for a living because she wants to change career, while many people want to be in her position. and after some messages i suddenly realize that maybe my life is not that bad and i should be more gratefull

some people have a good career, beautiful face, but bad spouse, some people have beautiful face, good spouse but financial constraint, other peole have so so life but rich parents, and there will always people who have all of the good things, and that's life. with all the problems in the world, life is unfair, indeed.

and everyone has their own reasons for every decisions. and that's fine as long as ngga merugikan siapapun.

and suddenly the discussion about life purpose rose again, mostly because the project near to the end. and i still dont know the answer, what i really want to achieve in life.

well, i am still being known for my false promises and my permissiveness, but then the viral post hits me hard, maybe i should have more higher goal (?) well, i still do hope my wishes come true, tapi kayanya kalau ngga juga ngga papa. kayanya aku terlalu pasrah, haha. and i dont know but lately i think i am afraid for any wishes, should i say ameen too, should i wish the same, will it gives me happines, will i be happy.

terus kayanya proven way from many people who pivoting is graduated from top university, did comdev project, got scholarship abroad, back for good, and ended up at unicorn startup. should i do the same? or maybe i should try a bootcamp and get a job overseas? 

but what for? 

as i have ever asked, mungkin akhirnya, niat dan tujuan hidup di dunia nih buat apa

i planned to have a whole month of another sabbatical leave, tapi most likely ga jadi with all the revision received in the end of the year 😭

well i hope everything will be fine. maybe i will find the answer somehow somewhen somewhere

will another next years will make me a better me?

very bests,

Ayu

ps: well, of course, my life is not that bad, hamdallah, and i hope yours too