noticeable

 

jadi, how is life?

these days weather is windy, sometimes raining, but feels gloomy. ramadhan doesnt feel like as festive as years ago. people thight their budget, more sellers, less buyers. but in the other side of life, those pejabat are travelling around the world, getting so many profits from the free lunch, starting war everywhere anywhere. 

and not long after i write this, isrl bombed irn. i've lived long enough going through some crisis, when we were really scared. the bombs, the gam, the poso, us-afgan war, us-irq war, rohingya, palestine, moneter crisis, 2008 crisis,  tsunami, natural disaster, covid. i dont understand, cant we just be more kind to each other.

people are trying to survive but it cant resist the depressed feeling around because there are not power and energy left to make a change. we are basically just trying to survive.

i recently write more on twitter, rather than here. i believe no one have a read though, but i like write any things to help me release uncomfortable feelings, my no-one-asked-opinion, my reflections. but not in a way like the wni-uk passport case, i hope. 

i did my end year post there, and currently write my rants a lot about that govt scholarship discourse. that unbelievable feeling when i experienced with my own eyes that people can be that fucking oportunist. made me realized and grateful to be raised by parents as my living examples. and now i understand, that actually what my parents did were above average.

i did have a bold upbriging. i opinioted. but sometimes person said me toxic feminist, while the problem were them actually i guess. i was not and am not feminist, but i do really respect human rights and equality, as my dad did for me and for us also. 

and because of that, i have a strong moral compass, and turns out in this adult life, not every one else does. 

people can be that manipulative, gaslight, harsh. and it gets me frustated, sometimes. 

i do still adjust with my scatter mind, as i always do. if people ask me, i still have a lot of  plans, no strategy, no targets. i am actually trying to survive as best as i can, get the work done as people expected me to be.

i still really miss my dad a lot, sometimes. hi dad how are you? you must be happy there. 

and i still need a lot of prayer.

wishing you and me have fine days, always.

best,

Ayu