noticeable

hi i am sorry if my writing felt so desperate lately. i try to fuctioning again, but it takes time, longer and harder than i expected. 

it turns out that the lost feeling remains the same even though it has been a day, a week, a month. i thought it will get smaller, but i think it is not. i hope it shall pass one day. 

but hamdallah, He give me opportunities to meet so many kind people who help me getting through this. understand my situation. checking on me sometimes. i feel very gratefull and i hope He will also give His kindness for them. 

i know that i have difficulties to share what i feel, and that is one of the reasons why i write here. maybe because i need to make sure my expectation so i will not feel more sadness. 

and if you may read it somehow, i am really sorry. i am sorry for not being a good friend (esp. for mila).

and thank you for ever being part of my life. thanks a lot for being a really good friend, as always.

very best, 

Ayu,

your friend, always