noticeable

 

a midnight random thoughts

jadi ada beberapa pola yang kadang gue rasa gue temui ketika ngobrol dengan orang dewasa atau baca timeline dari orang dewasa. there is a sense of how much you should earn or how strong the power that you have or how should you to be success or how high you are in the population hierarchy. 

it doesnt mean that is bad though, it is just how the world works.

but there are a very few people who i dont find that sense. and that kind of people is super rarely found. people who see themselves and other people as who they are. people who just do what they need to do and they like it and they good at it but at the same time their values is not solely depend on their achievement or their job position. with all abundance of information and what people share in social media, and they bubbling how hard it is and how proud they are and how good it feels achieveing higher ladder, moving to higher social status, then i feel an opportunity to meet  a humbly person is really very nice. 

i remember some writings that i read on someone's substack, tentang menjadi tidak sukses lagi dan tentang lintasan hidup dan beberapa cerita flexing tentang waw i made it atau kepunyaan duniawi atau what should i have if i have this much salaries dan tentang banyak hal lainnya beberapa tahun terakhir. 

living for more than three decades in this world as an ordinary human, i am questioning this question also. do i really make it? do i have something from my own effort that i should be proud of? atau sesederhana apakah aku juga mencapai hal-hal yang mereka ceritakan, apakah aku melakukan tugas perkembangan dengan baik. 

dan jika tidak, apakah aku tidak sama, apakah aku tidak termasuk bagian dari normal society which they celebrate for? 

karena aku merasa it was not really an achievement of my own. i always feel that it is not just because my own effort or my own ability, it is because He allows me to have some lucks, to be healthy, to get some rizq, to experience some opportunities, to meet kind people that help me so much in my life.

and i learn a lot from my parents. it is really good (and i feel really previleged) having both of them have the same values of life, the same way how to see life. and it is taylor swift's best day which i think i can call it a song made for me. 

tapi mungkin i sounds annoying also for someone else. mungkin unconsiously i want people to see the world like how i see it, as them also for other people. tapi ya everyone is different, jadi ya yaudah sih sebenarnya. 

maybe the most important is knowing what works to not lost yourself whatever happen. and that's all fine. 

best,

Ayu