noticeable

 

i dont know how i should face the grief properly. i am trying, really hard. 

i try to be seen strong for my mom and my sister and people beside me, but i still cry deeply sometimes when i am alone.

and the worst part is i dont know why i am sad but the tears just keep coming. and it feels really hurts. 

when i read a debate about sore, i just wondering that someone who never going through a massive grieving in their life maybe could not relate with those spiralling never ending ifs. it is not merely about fix someone, it would be fix the situation, decision, anything that you could do differently that will give you more time to be with someone you lost.

i know all the theories and things that i should do. and i dont need judgement because i am trying really hard for it. but i dont know what i actually need to help me cope. 

i wish and hope i will be better and my dad will be happy seing me grow. kamu mungkin tidak akan hadir to help me feel a little bit better tapi mungkin aku hanya butuh sedikit doa, kumohon doakan aku.