big days in this year feel different. anniv papa mama (in hijriah) bersamaan dengan ulang tahun cucunya yang ke-3. and i have my 30 also with many things to be grateful for. my parents was getting merried in arafah day, so they will always said there are 2 anniv dates in a year. and on that day this year, bais is turned three. so my parents looked really happy with video call in the morning and mini tumpeng for breakfasting meskipun cucu dan mama papanya lagi sibuk jadi belum mampir. surrounding with much love from closest family is priceless and i cant enough grateful for this. i learned a lot from the way mom and dad raising kids. mom had pregnancy in the late age, two kids in a row. and i was born when my dad was out of the town. and she took care of us while she also had job.   and i've learned life values from them, that help me through my adulting life. and somehow it  guides me reduce problems that potential to be happened as i grow. but, still, i dont know ...

  is loneliness that bad? does it feel really scary?

  i want to write some rants.. but should i or should not i? the first is maybe i should never ever tell what i thought (then what i am doing here if that so) second is how far i want to (or should) have higher salaries, higher position, higher degree, or those kind of things... third is something unimportant but just keep staying in my mind for days.. should i? but why not...

doing your responsibility just make it worse apalagi untuk sistem yang ngga bekerja dengan baik, but you just cant leave it, even if you are just doing your part, you will be blamed by everyone else just because you are the only one who is showing up but anyone else's not.  and yes having your high degree or position or so much money do not always mean you have a good planning, system, and implemenation, and the most important part a humbly feelings, to realize that you might be wrong, that you need help, some advice.. ps: it is not about work related things.. just a chapter in life

  i am in the situation that i know something about someone and i know she has a problem but i think she does not know that i know and i feel really guilty about this because somehow i feel like i am really not a good friend.  i am, really, not a good friend.  and i dont know what to do. last time i met her was march last year, and i was thought she was very ok. good career with a kid. i know she was doing fine because she usually randomly asked for a meeting when she was in town, and i usually will meet her if i did not have any  schedule. but, many times, i was missing opportunity to meet her.  but she still remembered and congratulated me for my last birthday. then i was hanging out with other friends and we had video call with her. she seemed fine. she is on the way getting her master degree. then i want to know how she is. i do hope she's doing fine. i know she has instagram, but i dont have instagram, and i searched her name on google page. i found her pro...

  people talk about westminster abbey, so let me drop a pict ps: my phone was broken and i lost everything and i need a back up here

  manage your expectation and anyone else is hard... if it is not a problem for me, tapi belum tentu orang lain juga begitu. terbiasa dan membiasakan diri dengan situasi yang tidak sesuai rencana dan merasa tidak apa apa.. dan karenanya akhirnya menyadari mengapa Allah memerintahkan untuk menjaga silaturahmi, karena itu tidak mudah.. semakin dewasa, aku sendiri merasa tidak apa misalnya sedikit terlambat atau tersasar atau macet di jalan atau sedikit panas atau batal bertemu atau orang yang ingin ditemui tidak pernah menjawab pesan.... setidaknya sudah berusaha, tapi mungkin waktunya belum tepat. kalau tidak diizinkan Tuhan ya tidak apa apa...