tentang why i did not pick math oneday, a friend asked me about quantitative research and suddenly realized it's been so long having math (and stats) in my life, and i confirmed myself that i've definitely chosen the wrong major when i was s1, but that's okay.  and i was listening mbak mona speech and seeing a diaspora tweeted that his kid wins a math olimpiade at his first attempt, and i was like, there are reasons why i always give comments when it comes to sekolah unggulan, osn, kesempatan, etc etc, and how it might affect intergenerational mobility (or maybe i just have survivorship bias). jadi, i really know math since i was in junior high school from a very kind math teacher. as i have ever said, gue sd di sebuah sd negeri di pinggir jakarta yang bahkan dipake untuk dua sekolah, pagi dan sore, dan lulusannya masuk smp negeri aja udah bagus (just because the school was near to my ex kindergarten which was the nearest from home, and also, it was not that expensive). i...

  🙎‍♀️: it is my wish come true 🙎‍♂️: then why are you so sad?

  Berpura pura bahwa kita baik baik saja. As tiny wisdom said weeks ago. Jadi, daripada aku pusing mikirin drama (yang sebenarnya aku ngga mau tau juga), aku mau cerita aja kalau aku akhirnya memutuskan datang acaranya tiny wisdom setelah lama ragu-ragu. I like how tiny wisdom draws about feelings, jadinya waktu dia open registration untuk acaranya di jakarta, aku daftar lebih karena support aja tapi sebenarnya masih ga niat bgt untuk datang. Aku biasanya males bgt keluar rumah kalau ga perlu. Mungkin lifestyle changed as pandemic happened. Waktu hari acaranya sampai memutuskan untuk nanya orang2 terdekat, should i come, or not. Padahal agak jarang nanya orang untuk ambil keputusan, but not this time, gegara sangat malas, dan mendung banget waktu itu, liat prakiraan cuaca akan hujan juga, dan lagi agak pilek juga, dan ngerasa jauh banget di pusat jakarta yang agak tidak ramah krl dan sejenisnya. Terus scroll instagram (iya, akhirnya aku punya instagram wkwk), terus baca komen2 oran...

but i hope He will always take care of me. He will make me feel I am fine. 

  i actually have many reasons of decision in life which i sometimes shared with people around. maybe i should write about this. 

  mom deserves happines in the world and the hereafter. i do really wish she will always happy, with or without me who make her happy.  and dad also. 

untuk pertama kalinya ga sadar sen kanan belok kiri. merasa sangat amat super duper bodoh. kok bisa, padahal selama ini misuhh2 kalau nemu hal kaya gitu di jalan. cuma lewat satu lampu merah, bisa bisanya gue salah sen. sepanjang hari istighfar terus, ga percaya, kok bisa. meskipun ga ada kejadian apa apa, sejujurnya ini sedih banget.  berdoa semoga yang marah2 di jalan karena kejadian tadi udah lupa dan baik baik aja...  semoga ga lagi lagi dan gapernah lagi kaya gini.. semoga selalu dijaga Allah..