noticeable

 

sometimes in life, when you are struggling to find what you're looking for, He give you other things that make you surprised or remind you something you've forgotten. 

i was looking for my dad's document today, eventhough i still cant find it anyway. but i found the documents of his entire career history, some surprising kindness that he never told, also found his old pictures when he went abroad (he really did make it), and maybe a reason and answer of my questions about what He wants me to do that appeared in one of my lowest situation early in this year.

looking back to august 2021, i was writing some notes that i actually forget about how i learn about life from my dad (and my mom). I learn about study and work can be a fulfillment, also meet someone who help you thorough out career and education journey will make it so much different. 

it is started when my dad and me was cleaning up the gudang that day, and threw some stuff that has been hoarding for years, and turned out it was some documents when my dad was in the US and something related with his graduation journey. i've told about his story previously. he was almost late in everything, he was graduated for his first degree at 28 and have a decent jobs some years later. but, he then had a great-kind boss that he always said giving him many opportunities, including some course scholarships eventhough his english was not so good. if i may say, his bos shape up his career, not because he gave him "role leader" like being pejabat whatsoever, but more like technical skill which i think more useful wherever he would be. and seeing his journey through the old documents made me respect him evenmore, because i can imagine it was not really easy for him. and i was thinking why dad always had difficulties in any of linguistic subjects maybe was because he had dyslexia.

i learn a lot from my parents that being leader or having so much money or all the facilities is not everything. my dad was the youngest pejabat with many subordinates and then he was taken down from his position because of office politics, but he was never seen angry or dissapointed. he would always be a part of something because of skills and experience that he had, esp when there was regional autonomy that needs his expertise. my mom chose to refuse promotion to be part of core team in the ministry and she would refuse all the opportunity to have perjalanan dinas that give her extra money. and with all the journey that my parents had, they had their fulfillment feeling of what they were doing. i learn a lot from my parents about "enough". 

and all the things i found made me remember a speech from jane that you have a role in life to make world where you live (a little bit) better. and although he was not here, i really feel  that he did the role really well. and mom said today, that he did a lot for the country in silence and she never saw him being arrogant. 

and yes, i privileged enough to have both parents withouth post power syndrom and never make me feel having an obligation to live their dreams nor pursue something they cant achieve in life.

when you grew up with thoughts that there are so much more than money, then maybe you will understand the feeling or irrational decision that people made. i start to learn that it is so much possible to find a fulfilment feeling, and experiencing those feeling is something that sometimes money can't buy.

with another random thoughts,

Ayu